The End of The Semester

It is Monday morning and instead of going back through and refining the paper I spent over 10 hours writing yesterday, I find myself turning on my Christmas tree for the first time in days, lighting my Christmas tree candle, and opening up a blank blog page.  I have been ignoring this space for the past month or so, but now is the time I am feeling the call to come back.
The end of the semester is here and when it comes I seem to get a little silent around here.  I of course procrastinated all my work to the last minute (tomorrow) and now have to cram it all in.  But knowing tomorrow I will be done till January 5?  I can't wait.
So what else have been up to besides school?  Lots and lots of work.  Things are taking off for me in my internship even more than I could have believed.  The other day I had my first paying client!!! Nothing like a little money to make me feel official!
Hopefully after tomorrow I will be around this place a little more.  Nothing like Christmas time to give me some awesome things to share!  For now please grant me a little grace as I finish up my second to last semester of Grad School!

Finally Time For A Break!

Praise the Good Lord I am done with this semester of Grad School...kinda.  I am never really done nor do I ever think I will be.  But three out of my four classes for this summer have come to a close.  And I could not be more happy or excited!
Needless to say going to school for the first time in the summer ever was not exactly what I would call fun.  I hated it.  I got burnt out not too long ago and I wanted to quit grad school SO FREAKING BAD! My classes were hard, there was a lot of work, and lately there has been a lot of drama that surrounded me and resulted in lots of hurt feelings on my side.
So basically this little "break" the next three weeks are going to be much appreciated and needed.  Even though I will still have one class (my internship) and will still be interning, I won't have any homework or stress in that arena for a while! And I am thrilled!
Here is to enjoying the next few weeks and having fun. What are some ideas for me to do during this time?

I'm Burnt Out

For those of you who know me, you know I love school and I love learning.  I have always said I would be a forever student if someone would pay for it.  But right now?  I WANT OUT! I have been going nonstop since August and I just want to be done!
I am literally counting down the days until I have a break (last two weeks of August) and until I get to go see my best friend (10 days!) and until I graduate (approx 280 days).  None of these dates can come soon enough.  I hate school right now and I just want to quit!
Every week I have 4-5 papers due ranging in length of 2 pages to 10 pages.  I have more reading than I have ever seen before to do.  I am working on classes I HATE with a passion.  And I do not want to do any of it ever.  It is like pulling teeth over here to get me to do my assignments.
One of my goals this year was to work on my procrastination and I have say I have failed majorly at this recently.  I put everything off till the last minute and then stress because I have so much to do.  This is not a good cycle I am in right now.
Oh and lets add onto that the 15 hours or so I am doing as an intern.  And the nanny job I have (which I love and I am SO ready to quit school and just become a nanny).  And I have been working at the gym at least once a week in the kids club.  So yeah I have a lot on my plate right now.
I am burnt out.  I knew this could happen but I prayed it wouldn't.  I didn't want to be that student who pushed too hard and then fell apart.  And I am not there....yet.  So prayers that I can keep it up till the end of the month will be greatly appreciated.  I am loving what I am doing and I know I can do this.  
ONE.  MORE.  YEAR.

Grad School Gives Me Gray Hairs

As I was preparing to go to class tonight (Tuesday) I checked my face and hair in the mirror.  As I was deciding what to do with my hair I saw something shiny in it.  Now I have natural blondish light hairs every now and then.  Especially when I have been out in the sun(which I haven't been lately).  Those next to my super dark hair sometimes look gray/white.  But what I saw was NOT one of those blondish light hairs.
IT WAS A GRAY HAIR!!!!!!
Now friends I take after my mother in almost all looks.  I am her mini me.  Always have been.  So I was hoping and praying that I got the good gene from her and her Dad that basically is you get very little gray hair.  I mean my mom is 52 and does not dye her hair.  When my Grandpa died he was 87, yet had jet black hair that he had never dyed.

Now on my Dad's side of the family the women get grays hairs early.  This happened to both of my aunts.  This was the one Hardin gene I never ever wanted.  I have never dyed my hair and never want to.  I love my color and never want to mess with it. 
But I found one friends.  It was gray.  Very gray.  Could not be mistaken as any other color by gray.  Four days before I turn 23 and I have a gray hair!!!!! And I lame it on Grad School.
Why do I blame it on Grad School? Because Grad school is the most stressful and time consuming thing I have ever done.  Yes it can be very rewarding.  But right now I do not see that light at the end of the tunnel coming any time soon!  Finals week is this week which adds even more stress.  Therefore I got a gray hair!
even though they say never to pull them out, I did.  It had to go.  And I said a prayer for no more!  Hopefully I will be able to make it through the next year and not get a full head of gray hairs!

STRESSED

If you asked me to give you one word that described my life right now it would be: STRESSED.  I am pull my hair out kind of stressed.  I have no time for a social life and all I do is work and school.  And I cannot figure out how to get around it!
I have reached a point to where I cannot remember a day when I have not cried (stress makes me cry).  And I cannot remember a day when I did not have something scheduled to do.  I have had no free days in a long time.  I have reached the point to where Church has become such a low priority that I cannot remember the last time I went.  And that makes me sad. 
Lately I have been beyond overwhelmed with school.  Yes I knew Grad School would be hard, but this hard? I have always been a good student and had lots of confidence in my school work.  But lately I second guess everything I turn in and doubt that I will ever get a good grade again.
It all started last week when I got a bad grade on a paper.  A grade I have not seen in so long that I thought it was a joke, a mistake, someone else's fault.  But it wasn't.  Here is to the girl that can't read directions!  It doesn't help that this one professor is very vague with his assignments and I never think I do them right.
I also set a very big goal for myself at the start of grad school (one that I have not shared with almost anyone).  I wanted to get straight A's.  I knew if I devoted the time and effort to it I could make it happen.  But then the semester happened and I feel as though I am letting myself down. 
Come to find out though, not getting straight A's is not the end of the world.  I need to let go of these ridiculously high expectations of myself and just live life.  I need to find myself in all of this again.  I need my confidence back.  I have almost NEVER second guessed my school work and hate that I am now.  It's not me and it's not who I want to be.
So from this moment on I am going to work harder to get my work done during the week.  This way I have some free time for me.  I can get my mind back on track.  I have been craving a day at the beach, sitting by the ocean, riding on the boat and just soaking it all in.  Maybe one weekend I will make that happen!

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Prayers through all of this would be greatly appreciated.  This semester has knocked me down again and again and it is only one month in.  I know with God I will be able to survive and come out alive on the other side….if there is an other side!

I Know I Am A Nerd Because...

I am I nerd and I know it.  I embrace it and love it and I hope you would to.  If your wondering if your a nerd too read the list below.  If you do any of the following you might have some nerd status.

1.  I love school.  If I could be a forever student I would.  But that is expensive.  So I guess I will stop at one Doctorate degree...
2.  I went to bed the other night thinking about the test I had to take the next day.  I ran through the things I had to list on the test.
3.  I love it when people ask me about what I am studying.  
4.  I read for fun.  All the time.  It's so relaxing to me and I love being able to learn through reading.
5.  I have my go to method for studying.  I make notecards.  I have to use colored notecards only. And they have to stay in the order I made them.  Brutus learned this one the hard way....
6.  I am needing to get a second bookshelf.  The one I have doesn't even hold half the books I have.
7.  I take my notecards everywhere.  Totally the nerd at the vet studying while their cat gets their checkup.
Please tell me there are some other nerds out there?!

I Didn't Even Give Them A Chance

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with this post.  I just wanted to show off the cuteness that is Brutus and his cuddling.  He is the best cuddle bunny ever:)
If you remember this post or this post I talked about how I didn't think I was connecting or would connect with the people in grad school.  I did not "click" with them right away, more because of me than them.  And I almost gave up.
But I was SO wrong about them.  Guys they are amazing people that I am so thankful I get to spend time with.  We have really bonded as a group and I love that.  We have trust with each other and know we can share our lives with the group and no be judged.
Everyone is so welcoming and kind.  We laugh SO hard together all the time.  We have fun and we are enjoying getting to know each other even more.  
I am glad I have started letting my guard down around theses people.  I feel like they are getting to see the real me/ I am finding the real me again.  I cannot wait to see what God has in store for each of us as individuals as well as the group!

A Hard Transition

This weekend started one of the hardest transitions in my life.  I have officially not moved back to Milligan and I have officially started my Graduate student career.   And I wanted to cry all weekend because of it...a few of those tears were shed.

You see Milligan was my life for 4 years.  My friends were there, my professors were there, and it was home to me.  Watching so many others move back in this weekend broke my heart.  Honestly that is not even close to an exaggeration.

I had orientation on Sunday for Grad school.  It wasn't the same (it was a huge scary place).  I knew no one and talked to almost no one.  Everyone tried to call me Mary even though I insisted (and wore and name tag) that I went by my middle name Mosby.  It wasn't home and I didn't feel like I fit in.

Southeastern is a good school.  It is where God has called me to be.  So why am I so NOT happy about it right now?  I was so excited about it, but after yesterday I am having major mixed feelings about my decision.

I know I need to give it time.  I know I need to stop comparing it to Milligan.  I know God has a plan and in His time it will be revealed.  I just hope it is sooner rather than later.

On a positive note I get to see my best friends in 3 days!!!! Nothing could be better than being back home in Tennessee!