Judgement: Whose Job Is It?

I hate it when someone who probably barely knows me judges me wrongly.  I hate it even more when someone who says they love me judges me without really knowing what is going on.  But I also know that I am more than guilty of judging someone else in both of those situations.\
Lately I have felt a lot of judgement coming my way.  It hurts my heart a lot when I find out someone is judging my life when they really have no idea what it is like or what is going on.  It has happened with close friends and peers who barely know me.  I have really been torn up about this lately.
All of this raises the question within me of "Whose job is it really to judge?".  At the end of the day I know that it is not my job or your job or your Dad's job.  It is God's job to do the judging.  So why do we do it now and why do we let it stress us out?
Most of us have heard/read the verse in Matthew 7:3-5  "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." 
Instead of focusing on our brothers mistakes and life, we all need to be reflecting on our own lives and what we are doing. We should first take a look into our own lives before we even attempt to look into someone else's.  Not always the easy thing to do, but the right thing to do.
A constant prayer of mine is for forgiveness for judging someone (like I said I am very guilty of this) and for God to work on my heart and help me to be more aware of it and cease to do it.  Instead of judging someone who has hurt me I pray for them (the hardest thing to do) which creates a peace within me I would not know if I chose to judge.
If we have heard this once, we have heard it a million times: you never really know a person till you walk a mile in their shoes.  Hardest lesson to learn, yet the most important one I have been taught and try to implement in my own life.

Feeling Feelings Is Hard

Every time I travel on a plane I take a book with me.  I love to read and it keeps my mind off of the anxiety I have with flying.  This trip I chose to bring along The Giver by Lois Lowery. I remembered reading this book back when I was a kid and since the movie is coming out soon I wanted to reread it.
I tell you all about this because while reading the book, I had such a strong desire to be in the world the book created.  In this world they do not feel strong feelings or really know what they are.  All feelings are kept by the "Receiver" because they are of the past and the guardians of the world do not want the citizens to experience them.
This last week my emotions have been a touch out of control.  I have cried at the drop of a hat so many times.  People probably think I am crazy.  I was so beyond sad to leave Lauren on Monday.  It felt as though it physically hurt my heart to leave the comfort of my best friend.  I have also experienced extreme anger with a peer, which turned into anxiety.  And anxiety makes me cry.

What I would give most days to not feel these feelings.  It makes life hard and undesirable when I just can't function like normal.  It has been a tough time for me lately and I have even started to wonder why God would have me go through all of this right now.
I am reminded of the sermon Sunday morning.  Continuing on looking in the book of Acts, the pastor talked about how sometimes God brings us to the bad days.  It is purposeful and intentional on His part to do so.  But why does he?  Because He knows something GOOD will come soon.  He is preparing us for the GOOD.  And if anyone knows GOOD it is Him!

The pastor asked the question "Do you turn to God during the bad days, or run and push him away?" I want to turn to God during the bad days.  And no he won't fix the bad right away.  It may take time, more than I would like.  But He will bring me through it all.  
I am clinging to God through all of these tough days.  I know He is shaping me into the person He needs me to be.  He is doing the same to you too.  Those days you just want to curl up in a ball and cry?  Cling to Him and hold onto the truth given to us.  It's not easy to stay, but when you do, you will never regret it!

Experiencing A New Church

I know many of you are awaiting a full update on my wonderful weekend in New Hampshire, but since I am currently on a plane or somewhere traveling back to Florida that will have to wait.  

When planning my trip to NH I knew that I wanted to be able to stay through Monday so that I could experience the church Lauren and Jacob attend.  Since it is the reason they moved, I really wanted to know what it was like.
We all have our own expectations when going into a new church.  We like the church we chose for a reason, so why go and experience something else?  I guess when you are out of town and do not have the choice you go and experience.
Walking into Crossway I had no idea what to expect.  I had an open heart and mind to the place, since my best friend loves it so much and swore it would be great.  
Due to my open heart and mind I came to find Crossway to be simply sweet.  I loved worshiping with new people and hearing a sermon from someone I don't know.  The sermon spoke right to my heart and was exactly what I was needing to hear.  
To be honest, I really went into the church with a skeptical eye about how they functioned.  And then I walked out amazed.  I love how they took communion, how the sermon is a video from the other church, and how there is a host pastor at each church.  It was a different and unique and I loved it.  It really opened my eyes for loving other churches that are not my own.
I loved that I loved the church Lauren and Jacob have come to love.  It was a wonderful experience and taught me that I can go someplace new and it be good.  I do not need to settle for my church at all times.  Nor do I need to be judgmental or skeptical of other churches.  As Christians we should have a more open mind about the church, knowing that where ever God is, it will be good!

Moving Forward

I always seem to find that God has a really crazy way of always getting our attention and really showing us where we need to be and even who we need.  And everytime I think I know the answer, or hope that I get the answer I selfishly want, He proves me wrong and shows me the right way.

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There have been so many times in even just the past week that this has been apparent in my life.  To start with I had put a whole lot of hope in finding friends in grad school.  I thought that was going to be the place a find my best friends.  And when I didn't I was greatly let down.

But God has a bigger and better plan for me.  The same day that I had orientation for grad school and was so upset over not talking to anyone, I got a Facebook message.  This message wasfrom a girl I grew up with years ago who currently attends the church I am going to.  I had been wanting to get more involved, but I can get great anxiety over that.

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In the mesage not only did she invited me to join the group she is part of at the church, but she volunteered to meet me in the lobby after sevice and walk with me to the class! Seriously if that wasn't God stepping in I don't know what is.  Knowing myself I would not have just walked into that class by myself hopeful to meet someone.  But God provided the perfect person to come and get me.  And now I cannot wait to go this Sunday!

God is also showed me this past weekend while in Tennessee not only who my true friends are, but that I need not long to be in Tennessee but be happy where I am because that is where I am suppose to be.

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I was SO beyond excited to see all of the girls again.  I love them and missed them greatly.  And before I got there I just knew this was going to be the highlight of my weekend.  But I was wrong.  The people I thought loved me the most? Not really.  Yes they love me, but not the way I was needing or hopeful of.

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I was shown that I need not miss them or go so far out of my way like I have to make things work.  I know who my BFFL is and the others who will always have my back.  Those are the ones who made the effort to see me and spend the quality time I GREATLY needed with.

While it did hurt to make this reliazation about old friends, it was defnitely one I needed to make.  I needed this sign so that my heart can heal and I do not continually allow it to be crushed and stampled upon...because honestly that was what kept happening.

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My love for those friendships and what they brought to me will never change.  But it is time to move forward and only allow the happy in my life.

God has an amazing and great plan for my life.  And I really cannot wait to keep watching it unfold and be amazed by His knowledge of knowng what I need and when I need it.  I am so thankful to have someone who will always know that!

Side note: when I was looking for pictures to add to this post I went to my Quotes pin board.  And sitting there waiting for me were all of these.  Apparently my heart already knew a long time ago what I would need.

My Sunday Morning

As I mentioned yesterday I am in search of a new church home.  I knew when I moved home that this was going to be a vital part of making friends and feeling like I really was "home".  I have a desire to surround myself with likeminded people.  And since my faith is so important to me, these are the people I want around me.

One of the most well known churches in our area is First Baptist Church at the Mall, which just so happens to be where I grew up.  I have family that goes there, as well as know several other people there.  This was the first church I knew I wanted to try.

Last Sunday was my first Sunday there in years.  And I honestly felt right at home.  I know many people believe they should visit several churches before choosing one, but this one just felt right.  God was definitely in the place of worship.  And He knew exactly what I needed to hear.

If you have been around here long enough you know I have shoulder problems with my left shoulder.  I have had multiple injections and even surgery to help fix the problems.  NOTHING has worked.

On Sunday the sermon was about pains in our lives, whether physical or emotional.  The preacher shared his struggles with pains in his life and even the depression that sometimes come with it.  I seriously felt like he was talking about my life.

Throughout the sermon is was reiterated that Jesus Is Enough.  2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

Knowing that I am not the only one with pain in my life, and knowing that through this is when Christ will be more powerful was amazing.  I learned that there may be a reason to this madness with my shoulder.  And that at the end of the day I need to put it on Jesus and He will set me pain free.

After this amazing sermon that I really could go on about, I knew this was the place for me.  God knew I needed a church family that would understand my pain.  And this one will.

I am hoping to become more consistent with my attendance at First Baptist in order to really make sure this is the place God has called me to come to.  I also look forward to find ways to be more involved with people my own age.  I just have this funny feeling that I will love this place and find my home there, and I could not be happier about it:)

My Church History

As you may no I grew up going to church from the time I was born.  I was one of the lucky ones who had amazing parents who wanted their kids raised in the church and surrounded by people who love God.  Looking back to when I was a kid I don't remember a Sunday where church was not our top priority.

My first memories come from First Baptist Church here in Lakeland.  We would wake up at 6 am in order to get all 4 kids ready and to Sunday School on time.  Church was 30-40 minutes away but we always went.  We spent Wednesday nights there too.  I was a GA and did all the the fun things kids do with the church.

When I was in about 7th grade, about the time we started having the choice a little on whether or not to go to church, Mom made the decision to move to a church closer to home.  Scott Lake Baptist is about 5 minutes away and that is where my family is currently members.

That is where I went to Youth Group up until my sophomore year of high school.  The problem I had there was I found the group to be very cliquy.  And if you didn't make it every Sunday and go to all the events you eventually got phased out it seemed.  I didn't really go to church in the summers due to being at the beach and going to The Vineyard for camp.

Needless to say by my sophomore year of high school I was not enjoying going to church.  So when I heard about the youth group at First Presbyterian I convinced my siblings to go check it out.  Several of our camp friends attended there so it was fun seeing them.

I fell in love with this group of people and quickly made friends.  The youth pastors and their wives were all amazing and I finally felt like I fit in.  Then two years passed, lots of drama, and I started to lose touch with the group.  I didn't feel like I fit in anymore so I stopped going.

Then I entered college.  I can remember that first Sunday of all of us trying to find a church to go to.  We went to three in one morning.  I was with the girls and we all came from different backgrounds, but didn't want to go somewhere on our own.

I went with friends to Harrison Christian Church in Johnson City.  I immediately got involved with the Children's Ministry there and fell in love.  The people there were so nice to me and loved me.  I spent all four years of school there and miss it so much.

Harrison taught me that just because the denomination was not what I was use to, I could still worship there.  It is the people who label which type of Christian you are, but God is in all places at all times.

I have loved each church I have attended, and now I am in search of a new one.  Since I have moved home I am in need of a new church home.  And I just may have found it!  But you will have to wait to learn all about that one!

Weekend Recap

Oh what a weekend I had...and that doesn't necessarily mean is was always good!  With my sister being out of town, we have had to watch her dog for her.  And well he is a rascal to the extreme.  Mom needed a weekend away from him, and since I had to work on Saturday I volunteered to watch him.

To say picking her up from the airport Sunday night was the highlight of my weekend would be an exaggeration, but it did come pretty close.  Needless to say I will not be offering to babysit the whiny dog for at least 5 more years.

Saturday after work I went and picked up some paint for my next two apartment projects.  I got one of them done, and no worries that will be on the blog this week.  It was super hot out so I figured I would wait to do my next project.

I spent most of my time this weekend just relaxing and catching up on sleep and tv shows.  I also got to FaceTime with Lauren! An hour and 20 minutes later we had finally caught up on each others lives!

Sunday morning I went to church with my brother and his girlfriend.  I had not been to church since graduation and really was feeling the need to go.  The church we attended is the one that I have been thinking would be my new church home.

Being back in a church and surrounded by God's love and people who worship him was exactly what I needed.  Sometimes you don't know you have been missing or needing something until you find it.  And not to keep being evasive in this post, but there is more to come on that!

I ended the weekend of relaxation on a happy note knowing in 17 days I will be back in Tennessee with my best friends!