Monday, February 3, 2014

STRESSED

If you asked me to give you one word that described my life right now it would be: STRESSED.  I am pull my hair out kind of stressed.  I have no time for a social life and all I do is work and school.  And I cannot figure out how to get around it!

I have reached a point to where I cannot remember a day when I have not cried (stress makes me cry).  And I cannot remember a day when I did not have something scheduled to do.  I have had no free days in a long time.  I have reached the point to where Church has become such a low priority that I cannot remember the last time I went.  And that makes me sad. 

Lately I have been beyond overwhelmed with school.  Yes I knew Grad School would be hard, but this hard? I have always been a good student and had lots of confidence in my school work.  But lately I second guess everything I turn in and doubt that I will ever get a good grade again.

It all started last week when I got a bad grade on a paper.  A grade I have not seen in so long that I thought it was a joke, a mistake, someone else's fault.  But it wasn't.  Here is to the girl that can't read directions!  It doesn't help that this one professor is very vague with his assignments and I never think I do them right.

I also set a very big goal for myself at the start of grad school (one that I have not shared with almost anyone).  I wanted to get straight A's.  I knew if I devoted the time and effort to it I could make it happen.  But then the semester happened and I feel as though I am letting myself down. 

Come to find out though, not getting straight A's is not the end of the world.  I need to let go of these ridiculously high expectations of myself and just live life.  I need to find myself in all of this again.  I need my confidence back.  I have almost NEVER second guessed my school work and hate that I am now.  It's not me and it's not who I want to be.

So from this moment on I am going to work harder to get my work done during the week.  This way I have some free time for me.  I can get my mind back on track.  I have been craving a day at the beach, sitting by the ocean, riding on the boat and just soaking it all in.  Maybe one weekend I will make that happen!

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Prayers through all of this would be greatly appreciated.  This semester has knocked me down again and again and it is only one month in.  I know with God I will be able to survive and come out alive on the other side….if there is an other side!
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2 comments:

Kira Bublitz said...

school was always super stressful for me too!
when i lived by the beach, i would always just take my books to the beach to study. gotta do whatever works! but everyone has to have some free time.
and if i ever got a bad grade, it would only make me work that much harder, so don't let it discourage you.
you can do it! :)

Miss Riss said...

Praying for you Mosby! I know you will get through this season in your life and be able to grow from it. Keep up the good attitude and keep working hard! Talk to you tonight! =)