Wanna Be Rebels

"We were wanna be rebels who did have a clue" Oh if this does not define my lovely girls and I come graduation time last May then I don't know what does. You see we wanted to rebels. We tried to be rebels. We had a plan and went so far and then back out. So I guess that means we aren't really rebels?!

Let me start from the beginning. If you have been around here long then you know my time spent at Milligan College was done so with some of the best girls there. We bonded within the first few days of starting our freshman year, and remained close till the end.

Within the first few weeks of being at Milligan we started being called "those girls".  No this was not started by us at all.  I guess it was just weird to people to always see a group of 7-8 girls eating just about every meal together.  So everyone was just like "who are those girls?" Gradually we got over that little nickname, even though I still love it and use it whenever I can:)

Anyways back to us wanting to be rebels.  It all started during our Senior (Lunch? sorry I am totally blanking on what it was called) basically a time before graduation for all of us seniors to gather and have lunch and spend time with each other and the faculty and staff.  While there we got to talking about the cords we would wear during graduation.

Different groups at Milligan had different cords they wore.  Like if you graduated with Honors you received a Gold cord, Music was a pink cord, and then there were ones for all of the different Honor Societies.

We all thought it would be hilarious to make up our own cord for only "those girls" to wear.  You know rebelling against the system and everyone would have no idea.  Pretty much all the girls were on board with it, some a little hesitant and thinking we were crazy, so Lauren and I went and bought the materials needed to make the cords.

At the last minute basically everyone backed out on wearing them.  Lauren I were sad because we spent time and money on them, but at the same time I think we were both a little weary of wearing them as well.

I think in the end only two of the cords were made, one for me and one for Lauren.  So of course we took some pictures in them together:)

Looking back I so wish we had gone through with out rebellious plan.  If only for the confusion and questions we would have gotten from everyone.  Also it was Milligan and it was graduation day….what could they have really done to us?!

My Life In Numbers

0 The number of times I make my bed in a week
3 The number of loads of laundry I really need to be doing 
6 The number of people in my family

7 The number of girls who stood beside me for four of the best years of my life (and still do!)

9 The number of days till I will be in Tennessee and reunited with some of those girls
19 The number of days the Overcome The Lie Challenge has spoken right to my heart
23 The number of years I will be turning this year (and for me it sounds so old!)

65 The number of days till that said birthday and till I hopefully get to see my best friend!

420 The minimum number of minutes I spend doing homework in one week
445 The approximate number of days till I graduate from Grad school

600 The number of minutes I spend in class a week
2,354 The number of times I ask my professor to clarify something on his syllabus a week
35,478 The number of times I tell Brutus to stop doing something in one week
525,600 The number of minutes in a year
Everyone has numbers that mean something to them.  These are just a few for me.

I meant Business

Yesterday I talked all about how I was going to get my butt into gear and lose some of this weight I have put on, and hopefully more!  Well I meant business when I said that!  I got my butt into gear yesterday, and I must say I am mighty proud of myself.
I headed out to the gym and did and hour of cardio.  I can't remember the last time I did that.  I needed it and it felt great to be in there again actually working out, not just working.  And then I headed to the grocery store to stock up on all things healthy.
I mentioned that I tend to go towards the easy meals, which are not always the healthier meals.  So I solved that problem for myself.  If you follow me on Instagram you saw my post about all of the meals I prepped last night.  I grilled lots and lots of chicken and steamed lots and lots of veggies.  I put them in individual meal size containers so that all I have to do it grab and go!  Easy and simple! Just the way I like it.

About a year ago I did the Dandelion Detox Water.  And loved it.  I had really good results from it. So I have decided to do that agin for the next week.  Read my previous post to learn all about it.  Seriously worth it friends!

And then just so that you REALLY know that I meant business yesterday, I woke up at 5 AM to work out for two hours with my Mom this morning.  Yes I did just say 5 AM! I am not a morning person.  Not even a little bit.  And I do not run on little sleep very well.  But it is really the only time I have to work out.  So lets hope it becomes routine and I stick to it! (And yes there will now be coffee added to the diet to keep me awake!)
I also wanted to thank all of you for the kind sweet words!  I was just amazed from all of the encouragement and love I received from everyone.  Seriously if I didn't have you guys, I probs would lose my motivation and stay fat forever.  But I WILL NOT let that happen! SO thanks for the love and support!

I Let Myself Go

So I am a stress eater.  Like big time stress eater.  And when I have a lot going on I could care less about what I am eating, all I care about is how easily I can get it made and in my belly.  Truth.  Sometimes cooking healthy is just hard and I don't want to do it.
I know all the right things I should be eating and I know all the right things I should be doing to lose weight.  But I haven't done any of them in a long time.  I rarely workout.  Maybe once or twice a week.  Because most of the time I feel like I could be doing something more important that working out.  And really the only solid time I have to workout regularly everyday is 5 am.  And I am not a morning person.
All of this to say I am REALLY REALLy up in my weight, it's almost bathing suit season, and I feel gross.  Real gross.  School has been a lot of stress and had me constantly busy.  Oh and then there is work.  So basically I have some pretty big excuses, even though I should have no excuses.
The picture below is from a couple months ago.  I am bigger now.  Oh great!

So here and now on February 17, I am going to finally get my butt back in the gym.  I am throwing out all the shit in my pantry and fridge I shouldn't eat.  And I am going to go get me some healthy food.  I need to do this.  I feel and look better when I do.
I am also thinking about signing up for a couple 5k's so that it will force me to train.  I mean I can make time to run a couple days a week.  
I think the one thing I wish I had was a regular workout buddy.  That was what kept me working out before.  First I was always with Sherry and then I had Lauren.  When I know someone else is there relying on me I will show up and I will preform to the best of my ability!  Now I need to learn to motivate myself!
Ok weight loss rant is over.  I am getting my butt out of this chair and heading to the gym for lots of cardio and some weights! I can and I will do this!  

Call Me Master Chef…NOT!

This weekend I was going through my Pinterest food board looking for something to eat for dinner when I came across Lauren's Zucchini Muffins recipe.  She made these for me back when I visited her in Tennessee and I begged her to put the recipe on her blog.  When I saw them this weekend I craved them and knew I needed to make them.
So I looked through my kitchen and all I needed was the zucchini, which I picked up at the grocery store on Saturday.  Please make note I was proud because I thought I had bought some pretty big ones at a good price.  Fast forward to last night.
I was making the muffins and had done everything but grate the zucchini.  I find out I don't have a grater like I thought, but instead pulled out my food processor (Thanks Kel!) which worked perfectly! First problem solved.  As I continued chopping up the zucchini I started smelling it and noticing that its insides were a little different than I remember zucchini being.  Thats when I realize….. I BOUGHT CUCUMBERS!!!!
I knew that smell was familiar! I was seriously mad that I had done this! I really was craving the muffin goodness.  So I texted Lauren telling her what I did.  I didn't know if I should just wing it and have cucumber muffins or cook the rest of the batter without the "zucchini".  With Lauren's help I decided to do half and half.

So after 25 minutes I pulled them out and did a taste test……
Regular Batter: Super yummy and cinnamon but a little dense
Cucumber Muffins: Definitely have a slight test of cucumber and I would prefer the zucchini, but really not awful!
If you ever learn anything from me, let it be this: Read the directions and read the labels!!

13 Types of Friends

I was reading Holly's blog the other day and loved her post about the differnet BFF's she has had through the years.   It all stemmed from this Buzzfeed post.  I took a look at the post and thought to  myself "Self, you should totes write about this".   So I am, I just may not do all the types of friends because some overlap!

1. Childhood Best Friend

I met my childhood best friend at the bus stop when we were in Kindergarten.  Ashley's dad and my mom met and introduced us.  We lived across the neighborhoood from each other and rode the bus everyday.  We would meet up on the weekends and play and play.  Our favorite game was House and man did we have lots of babies.  She also had a trampoline that I would have killed to have.  We were friends till the dreaded days of middlee school when drama tore us apart. I think she is married now and maybe has a kid? Not sure but I totes should go Facebook stalk her...

2.  High School Best Friend

Oh Annie! We met our sophomore year of high school and were inseparable ever since.  We met as Key Club officers and had so much fun together.  Our personalitiies perfectly balance each other.   She can be quiet and I can be loud.  She keeps me sane and is the reason I got through High School.  She knows my family and has even traveled many times with us. We went to two different colleges but have still stayed in contact.  We should see each other more now that we are in the same state.  This is definitely something I want to work on.

3. Neighborhood best friend

See Childhood Best Friend

4. College Best Friend

This one has to be the hardest one to choose. I was so blessed to have many best friends in college.  Yes many.  So I am going to give you two (mostly because a third falls into another friend category).

The first is Lauren.  This girl and I could not be more opposite if we tried.   Honestly if it wasn't for alll the stuff we have been through who knows if we would still be friends.  But those times bonded us and I could not imagine life without her.  I am the emotions and she is the brain.  She tells it to me straight even if it hurts and is not what I want to hear.  I am thankful to be able to call her my friend.

The second is Ashlee.  She was one of my first college friends.  She has been there through it all and knows everything.  She gets me so well and always knows the right thing to say.  We have had our ups and downs, but have each other's backs through it all! She is coming to visit in two weeks and I cannot wait to have her here!

5. Work Best Friend

Brittany and I started at Golds within two weeks of each other.  I hated her at first and hoped she wouldn't last. I  mean come on she was a skinny bitch who worked at Wing House.  And then we became best friends.  Because well, all bitches have a way of bonding!  I love her now and I am so thankful to have her in my life.  She definitely made my transition back to Florida easier and I do not know what I would do without her!

6. Parents

I love that this list included my parents.  They are the people who have been there through everything.   They have watched and helped me grow into the person I am today.  I am so thankful and so blessed to have had such amazing parents.  They have been the best role models and supporters I could ever ask for.  I honestly do not know what I would do without them!

7. Siblings

Oh the Hardin 4.  What would I do without those three awesome siblings of mine?  Mattie, Benjamin, andd  Bryce are the three best kids out there.   We were the type of siblings that could say all the meanest things to each other, but no one else was allowed or they would have the Hardin's coming after them!  I know I will always have those 3 behind me suppporting and loving me through everything and I will be doing the same for them!

8. Twentysomething Best Friend

I'm only 22 so I'm skippping this one!

9. Powerhouse Best Friend

Uh don't think I have one of these!

10. Long Distance Best Friend

This is where another college friend comes into play.  Lauren lives the furthest away from me and it makes me sad:(  She is the person I turn to for everything. She is the friend that we can sit and talk about anything and everything for hours.  Or we can just sit on couch reading books and be happy.  Lauren is the one that we don't have to talk all the time to know the other will allways be there.  But I know she is the one 20 years down the road I will still be calling for everything!

11. Furry Besst Friend

Brutus. Beez. BB. Big B. Hims is my best friend.  I love this kid more than anything and don't know what I would do without him.  He is the best cuddle bunny and always has me laughing!

12. Your Significant Other

Yup don't have one of those.

13. Best friend forever and ever

Please see #'s 2,4,5,&10

I love me some best friends.  They are my rocks and I my life depends on having them there.  I have been blessed with the best of the best of best friends!  

Reasons I Love Having My Own Place

Ever since I moved home I knew I wanted my own place. I love my parents and I love my past roommates, but the only roommate I want for long time is Brutus. There are many many reasons for this. And I figured you would all want to know:)

1. No one to clean up after

I always hated doing someone else's dishes. Like seriously you can't take two second to wash your bowl?! I know I was  guilty of leaving dishes out as well, so I really shouldn't complain. But now I clean up after me and Brutus. And if Brutus could clean up after himself I so would make him!

2. No one to leave the toilet unflushed 

This has got to be one of my BIGGEST pet peeves ever. I find peeing in an already peed in toilet beyond disgusting. Why would you just leave your pee sitting there?! My roommates last year and my sister were all so guilty of this. All because "the toilet makes too much noise at night". Not a good excuse. 

3. I always have alone time

I am the type of person who needs a lot of alone time. It's the way I feel refreshed. I don't like always having someone around. I get annoyed. Having a roommate this was always the hardest part. Now if I want my roommate to leave me alone I put him in the floor or table or lock him in the bathroom where all his stuff is. 

4. I can leave my stuff wherever I want

When I lived at home my mom was always telling me to get my things off the counter and to clean my room. And rightfully so since it was her house. And in the dorm I didn't want to leave things out because it wasn't just my space. Now I can leave my shoes everywhere and not have anyone come and complain to me. Brutus loves it when I leave them out, they are toys to him. 

5. I can be as loud as I want
In the dorms the walls were so thin that everyone could hear your whole conversation in the next room even if you weren't being loud.  I remember numerous conversations being had whispering so that someone would not over here us.  Now I can watch tv as loud as I want, talk as loud as I want, and play music as loud as I want.

Oh there are more reasons why I love having my own place, but we will just leave it at this! 

Be Still

God has been screaming something at me lately.  And when I say screaming, I mean He has gone out of his way numerous times to show me what He needs from me right now.  And what I need from Him right now.  It fills my heart to the brim to have a God who would seek after me this hard!
Be Still.  Be still and know that I am God.
I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have heard, seen, or read these two lines in the past couple of weeks.  The first time I clearly remember seeing it and thinking it was something I needed to embrace was when Erin wrote about her new tattoo. I loved what it stood for and it got me thinking.
Then I started seeing the phrase all over Pinterest and loving it and repining it like crazy.  And then last week in class, after one of the most stressful days of my life, one of my professors brought his wife in to teach us some relaxation techniques.  During one of the techniques she had us meditate on a saying.  She chose "Be still and know that I am God" as an example.

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I started saying this phrase over and over during the relaxation technique.  I really let it melt into my soul and allowed God to come in and show me what I needed.  
I had been running 100 miles an hour up to that point.  I felt dead.  I had a blank mind and could not focus on a thing.  I was empty and needed someone to turn to.  And there God was with open arms inviting me in.  Telling me to "Be Still."  To let him take over.  Allow him to do all the dirty work for me.  Give him the stress and let it all go.  
The feeling of knowing I could do this and my heart would be full again is indescribable.  I needed that moment.  I needed Him to come in and take it all away from me.  I needed help and he came at exactly the right moment.
Do I still hold onto some of that stress? Honestly, yes.  I have a hard time letting it all go.  But even giving up the little I did changed so much.  The past two days have been some of the best I have had in a long time.  I have felt little stress and have been able to relax. I owe it all to the Lord and I am so thankful He blesses me in all the ways that he does.  

STRESSED

If you asked me to give you one word that described my life right now it would be: STRESSED.  I am pull my hair out kind of stressed.  I have no time for a social life and all I do is work and school.  And I cannot figure out how to get around it!
I have reached a point to where I cannot remember a day when I have not cried (stress makes me cry).  And I cannot remember a day when I did not have something scheduled to do.  I have had no free days in a long time.  I have reached the point to where Church has become such a low priority that I cannot remember the last time I went.  And that makes me sad. 
Lately I have been beyond overwhelmed with school.  Yes I knew Grad School would be hard, but this hard? I have always been a good student and had lots of confidence in my school work.  But lately I second guess everything I turn in and doubt that I will ever get a good grade again.
It all started last week when I got a bad grade on a paper.  A grade I have not seen in so long that I thought it was a joke, a mistake, someone else's fault.  But it wasn't.  Here is to the girl that can't read directions!  It doesn't help that this one professor is very vague with his assignments and I never think I do them right.
I also set a very big goal for myself at the start of grad school (one that I have not shared with almost anyone).  I wanted to get straight A's.  I knew if I devoted the time and effort to it I could make it happen.  But then the semester happened and I feel as though I am letting myself down. 
Come to find out though, not getting straight A's is not the end of the world.  I need to let go of these ridiculously high expectations of myself and just live life.  I need to find myself in all of this again.  I need my confidence back.  I have almost NEVER second guessed my school work and hate that I am now.  It's not me and it's not who I want to be.
So from this moment on I am going to work harder to get my work done during the week.  This way I have some free time for me.  I can get my mind back on track.  I have been craving a day at the beach, sitting by the ocean, riding on the boat and just soaking it all in.  Maybe one weekend I will make that happen!

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Prayers through all of this would be greatly appreciated.  This semester has knocked me down again and again and it is only one month in.  I know with God I will be able to survive and come out alive on the other side….if there is an other side!