Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Me Shy?

Yes, yes it is true.  I can probably be one of the most shy people I know...given the right circumstances that is!

I know some of you who are reading this and know me very well are thinking "What in the world is she talking about?!" But that would be because I love you and know you and know how to act around you.

Want to know what sets me off? Crowds, new people, new environment, not being able to predict the future.

So crowds...yeah hate those with a passion.  I don't know how to act in them.  I don't know if I am suppose to say Hi to everyone or just stay to myself.  I freak out in crowds and therefore try to avoid them.  Now that is not to say I won't go through a crowd to get to a quiet spot.  I will, as long as I have a bodyguard friend with me.

New people...now here is the thing, I don't know you so I don't know how to act around you.  I don't know if you like my sarcasm or if I just need to be nice and quiet.  Again anxiety comes about and I usually end up with a sour/confused look on my face.  And that ends up with people thinking I am a bitch (I promise I not!).

New environment...I hate going someplace new by myself.  I almost always bring a friend.  I just get uncomfortable and don't know how to act or who I am going to talk to.

Not being able to predict the future.  Yes I know no one has this ability (so wish I did sometimes!).  But I typically run through what could potentially happen during an event in my head ahead of time.  And if I don't think I will know anyone or have anyone to talk to or sit with, I typically won't go to an event.  

Examples of this? I won't eat in the caf unless I know someone is meeting me there.  I won't eat at church meals because I never know who I would sit with.  I wouldn't go to my high school graduation without having my best friend by my side.

See I told you I can be shy.  Want to know how I cope with all of this? It's hard but here is what I do:

Sarcasm is key...if I can make you laugh for some reason that means I am doing a good job.

Take my friends with me everywhere...they love me for this.

Act smart...I work really hard to do well in my classes and sometimes when people think I am smart they like me better... so I became smart.

All of this is to say that I'm not perfect.  I have my issues too! You may not always see them, but they are always there in the back of my mind.  Even in the safest of places, I am shy at heart.

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